Thursday Thoughts: I am Sorry.

{ I don’t know what to do with apologies }

It’s kinda sad when people hurt you and apologize and now the onus is on you to painfully and more carefully hide how it all still hurts. No, it shouldn’t be this way.

–// Take a plate. Drop it.
Watch the shattered pieces decorate the floor.
Collect the broken shards.

Now, apologize to it.

There. It is fixed. //

We’ve all been taught by our parents to apologize when we are in the wrong and to graciously accept apologies from those that wrong us.
While I still agree with that rule, however, to a certain extent, I no longer believe an “I’m sorry” is applicable to severe offences.

It seems to me that an offer of apology serves to only ease the conscience of the offender…
and does nothing to help the wounded…
Does it not?
–/ I hear so many hearts breaking //

That is why, in some cases, I do not believe an apology is worth anything.

Sure, it is a valid courtesy. But still, sadly, and too often, a courtesy too late.

One day, I will teach my own children the importance of saying sorry, but I will also teach them that some hurts created are too deep that not even a hundred apologies accompanied with “Please forgive me” cards attached to a thousand red roses can ever reverse the damage.
I will tell them how their own mother’s youth-hood was drowned with blood and tears and many fears because she was weak and foolish enough to let people’s words stab her heart a million times over.
I will show them my scars and tell them how I wish for them to be strong people, that will not easily let some outsider’s brusque discouraging actions and words affect their heart.
But if and when it does, I understand, and oh my beautiful child, it is okay.
They can climb into my bed in the middle of any night at any time and I will hold them till their shoulders stop shaking, until their tears dry.
I will remind them to be always careful of what they say, and how much I hope and pray that they never be found guilty of killing someone’s soul or spirit with quick, sharp tongues that shoots careless words.

So if you know you’ve hurt me deeply, show me with your actions that you’re truly sorry.
If you have apologized, I truly admire the humility and courage you had put together to do so and thank you.

But if you haven’t, don’t.

Don’t apologize.
It’d only make me cry cos I’d feel so lost. And I don’t want to feel that way.

Don’t apologize.

I wouldn’t know what to do with it.


Goodbye, Sir.

My family excluding my eldest brother who was in HTA and a family friend went to queue to pay our last respects to the dear Minister Mentor just this week’s Thursday early morning.
We began to queue 12.10am and fortunately for us we only queued for about an hour, and we reached the parliament at about 1.30am.
As we stepped into the hall where the body of our beloved Minister Mentor Lee Kwan Yew lay in silence, the feeling I felt there was a strange feeling. A solemn respectful silence descended on the hundreds of us as we filed past the casket that was draped with the Singapore flag.

For me, it was overwhelming to finally be able to meet my country’s founding father but I regret that it was only in his death I could stand so close to this great man.
We didn’t have a long time to bow because of the great crowd that was queuing behind, we bowed for a second and moved on to walk out of the building. At that moment as I bowed in respect to the father of my country, I thought if any man deserved my bow that night, it would be my Sir Minister Mentor Lee Kwan Yew.

Today was the state funeral, at 4pm a siren was sounded over the whole of Singapore for a minute and at the same time Singapore held a minute of silence for this great leader of Singapore who changed this city of mudflats into a metropolis, who told us, confidence and boldness resonating in his strong voice, Never fear.

Thank you, Sir, for spending your life to give life to Singapore. Take your rest now; we shall never forget you, you will be forever engraved in our history and etched in our hearts.

A tribute to our Minister Mentor

Singapore’s founding father, Sir Minister Mentor Lee Kwan Yew, passed away on the 23rd of March, Monday.

I woke up to the news on Monday morning, much to my dismay. I was hoping that our dear Minister Mentor would live to see the SG50 celebrations, our Jubilee Year, this years August.

For all my 16 years as a Singaporean, regrettably, I have never attended a single NDP the tickets were too expensive for my family of 6 to go together, and we tried balloting for tickets but unfortunately we never got them and 16 years came and went but I never had a chance to see the benefactor of our nation in real life.

It is truly a deep and regretful loss to the whole of Singapore that our Minister Mentor has passed on.
Our Minister Mentor Lee Kwan Yew was a man who loved his country and dedicated his life to creating a better Singapore and we owe a lot to our Minister Mentor for bringing Singapore to its height of splendor, glory and prosperity today. No matter how many years pass, we will always remember our Minister Mentor, our father to the nation.


A thousand thank yous from my heart, Sir Minister Mentor Lee Kwan Yew.
Thank you for building up the Lion City to what it is today.
We heard your roar, Sir, and it will echo in our hearts for many generations to come.

Joanna Tan