Thursday Thoughts: All the Light I cannot see.

The sun is always shining. But you are the one that decides how bright it shines.

It’s been night

For as long as I can remember

And i have forgotten

All the light

I cannot see.
.

Fading stars

Barely faking a glittery farce

Black dark night

I’ve lost my sight.
.

How long will the night last?

I pray the day comes fast

To show me

All the light

I cannot see.
.

And if the darkness

Won’t seem to pass

I pray to God

To teach me

To trust

In all the Light

I cannot see.

“Be still, my soul, the waves and winds still know, the Voice that ruled them while He dwelt below.”

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Saturday Series: Cacophonous Silence.

“The world was too overwhelming for the child, so she hid in her mind. And if only she knew how loud her mind could be too, she wouldn’t be screaming the way she is today.”

Who knew the lies I was told as a child would create a monster that would haunt me, into my youth.
Who knew teenhood would not be marked with life’s greatest adventures but with tears and blood running after, sorrow upon sorrow.

Ugly lies that would echo menacingly at inopportune times, when my insecurity crept in, snaking its cold unrelenting grasp around my neck, choking me, bringing me to my knees at the casket of memory I had tried so hard to bury.

People didn’t like me ; everything I did was not good ; my success depended on the reaction of others, if they were happy, I did well, if not, I was a failure.

These thoughts leering at my distress every hour, made their long term abode in my tormented mind.

And I kept silent.

Then, how the silence roared in my head and how it eagerly tried to consume every inch of my pain-filled soul.

Like a wound up toy soldier, I marched to the complicated tune of people’s wishes and fancies.

Donning a fool-proof facade, taking a sword and a shield, I faced the world with my false bravado.

But soon.

The no longer shining armour began to feel tremendously weighty, pulling me down, wearing me out and dragging me into the dust.
My shoulders shook, how strange, I thought, it never did before, or maybe I just hadn’t paid attention to it.
The sword, stained with blood, and I, with no recollection of victories, bore mottled bruises and wore countless scars.

How tired I felt ; I laid down and let the world pass by.

And still I kept silent.

Maybe it was a good thing, letting the heat of the noon day set my body ablaze and then fighting the excruciating pain, mind warring against flesh, to allow the cold midnight winds to freeze my charred spirit.

And it was the harshest climates that woke my quite dead resolve to press forward.

The heat planted a thirst to rise like the sun and the biting winds fanned a desire to try again.
And by and by, after conquering myself and my sick mind, I learned not to fear people’s opinion about me.
I no longer cared about their insolent attitudes toward me, their sharp tongues or fiery words.

Painfully peeling off the rusted armour that clung to me, I threw down my sword and shield and for a first, exchanged it for faith and love.

Now, no longer silent, hear my voice above the storm as I rise from the ashes.
I may be knocked down and belittled by you, but I will get up and I will try again.

Weekend updates

Last Saturday, my YG had our second quarterly youth outing. 

 We went cycling, something which I haven’t done for quite awhile, at Punggol Park. It was super fun especially so cus my one of my closest friends joined the outing  

This was taken about halfway through the ride. We three and a few others were always ways ahead of the others so we had to stop to wait for the others to catch up. 😂

 It was super hot that day, and there was not much shelter around the park.  Das me at the left, middle is my big bro with his NS hairstyle, and on the right, my awesome Youth Leader with his cool shades

We cycled for about an hour and a half including the frequent stops we had to make to wait for the rest to catchup it was blazing hot and fortunately there was this small water park which I believe was built for days like last Saturday and a few of us walked through the water and got ourselves wet which we found out was a very good idea cus when we began to cycle again, the water in our clothes made the wind we felt cool. It took us about another 20 minutes from the water park to reach the place where we had lunch. First time ever I finished my drink that my brother up-sized for me Clap for me please thank you   

Selfie while queuing to place food orders cus we’re awesome. 

Youth leader’s wife came while we were having our lunch at KFC. She brought with her a cake cus it was one of our guys birthday (: sang happy birthday gobbled down our lunch and the cake cus we had to hurry back to return the bicycles. We rented them for 3 hours, started from 10.15 and had to get back by 1.15. Where we were having lunch would take us about 30 minutes ride to get back to the bike rental place and we only finished lunch at about 1pm 😂

we reached back slightly late but haha it was good enough, super fun racing with my doppelgänger and being able to cycle with my friends. 

It was super hot and after we returned the bicycles, some of us went to get drinks from the supermarket beside the bike rental place. Here’s us, pretending to buy soya milk, but really, we were just trying to cool ourselves off in the refrigerator.

Cooled off near a pond where we saw turtles and on of them was planking or maybe dying from being frozen by the sunFortunately for the poor turtle, he was saved from drying up in the sun my friend sprayed water on him, saving his life

After that we caught the bus to the interchange And took another bus from the interchange to home. 

The cool kid beside me came to my place, tried out my piano for a few minutes and then we left house to  play badminton cus we booked a court  at ace the place. Played from 3.30-5.30, came home, took a bath and this happened: It hurt quite abit on Sunday but it’s bearable now. It’s not so red anymore and I’d say the pain and the tan was worth the fun I had with the people around me. 

Here’s to looking forward to more of such good days ahead 😉