was blind but now i see

Some things ‘happened’ and having time to reflect and re-focus my view on my Christian life changed me, a rebel, to lay down my arms, to follow Christ, to desire to be changed into Christ-likeness. 

I have changed.

I want to live in a way that just by my behaviour and manner of life, people will take note that I have been with Jesus. I want to live to bring glory to my Saviour in everything I do.
I want to daily pursue the One who loved me and gave Himself for me.

My new journey has just begun but already I feel lonely.

like I am alone in all that I think and feel now.

The ones I called my closest friends and the ones that I felt I loved best ridicule me. To a certain extent, they think I’m crazy. They pity me for choosing this boring path of life. Maybe they even dislike me now.

I don’t want to be in the company of friends that have no fear of God. I no longer wish to spend time with people that claim to know God but whose actions deny Him. // Titus 1:16

It’s not that I dislike my friends. In fact, I now wish to spend time with them but to talk to them about the things of God.

And if I don’t want to hang with them, it’s just that there are no common interests/ factors anymore.
I am not cool like them anymore. I no longer listen to the rock music i used to, I made a decision to stop swearing. I purposed to dress in a modest way, to love God and I want my life to only show surrender to Him. But all my old friends are continuing in the old way of living, an ungodly walk. // Amos 3:3 //

Before I told some of my friends of the change in me, I told God that my friendships are all His, He could do whatever He wanted to do with my friendships. But I see now that it is not a one-time decision but rather a day by day constant prayerful yielding and surrendering. I constantly find myself struggling, having fallen in the erroneous prideful thinking that I may reach a form of perfection, or quench the sinfulness in me. But at the same time knowing my error, I have discovered the peace and joy, realizing the genuineness that I am weak but thank God, He is strong.

It is my weakness that will allow God to use His power to change and work in me. A strong person needs no help. A weak person does. And I am so weak. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV

 // how strangely wonderful it is to acknowledge my weakness; the very quality in which I despise myself so often for is the same channel in which God chose for His strength to do a perfecting work in my life, if I will let Him //

I have decided to follow Jesus and though none go with me still I will follow.

I am confident that to leave my life in the Hands that bled to save it,

are the safest Hands to keep it.


Youth Camp 2015!

Youth camp ended last Saturday; been catching up with teammates and also catching up on sleep too. 
Had a great time during youth camp and it was a totally different experience compared to the other camps, like maybe more spiritually ready to learn and accept God’s word during camp.

To me, every sermon and testimony shared gave me something to think about and devotions, it was a real blessing to be with the 5 other senior girls. Devotions was a time to be completely honest and humble about personal struggles. Over the 5 days, I personally learnt to appreciate the privilege of bringing our cares and burdens to the Saviour. 

It didn’t matter that we were competing against each other, or that we were in different teams. As long as we faced a crisis/ problem, we went straight to God. Or when we didn’t know what to do/ which direction to take, for example, preparation for my team’s skit, we committed our work to God and prayed for wisdom to do all for His glory. 

Grateful for this years camp and specifically, for my team!

 Things were different this year, I wasn’t the oldest in the team but I was the leader. And if you know me, I’m not a natural leader. I admit it was a struggle at first. But by the time first day was over, I realized that if I didn’t do anything/ lead the team, no one else would do it and everyone/ everything we tried to do will be in disarray. 

So despite my desperate incompetence to lead the team, I’m thankful for strength and super thankful for my team. They were always supportive and encouraging to me, always asking me if I was alright and if I needed anything I could ask them. 

Team Steadfast: || JY, me, Ella, Andrea, Erica, Kloe, TF, John, Joseph, Azel ||

 It was a super fun 5 days with my team and sure, there were frustrating moments, there were tears, but we were a team and stuck together.

Super blessed to be in Team Steadfast and although we didn’t win in the end, having worked and fought together, knowing my posse did their best, in my heart, it was more than enough.

I know we say this every year but we really mean it!! : looking forward to the youth camp reunion and the next youth camp!


Regional Student Convention 2015: Day 2

Tuesday was the busiest day of the RSC for me. I had 5 (supposed to be 6, but one was pushed to Wednesday because of the time squeeze) events lined up for the whole day. I got up early again to collect breakfast from the hotel lobby (this time breakfast was provided by the RSC). Queued for 20 minutes with Jan to collect 6 boxes of rice for breakfast. The portion was so small it could be finished in 6 scoops, though I must admit it tasted good. My first event of the RSC was on Tuesday and it began at 8am: piano solo. Supervisor and sponsor prayed with Jan and I who were both competing in piano solo before we made our way to the music room. (Sadly I didn’t win a placing in my piano solo event, the event that I so badly wanted to win in. I didn’t memorize my piece like the others did so points were deducted for not memorizing and it pulled me down) Next event was Bible bowl, followed by group bible speaking. Went to watch the one act play teams act their skits before going for my piano duet event. When it was over, Mark, another fellow student, walked a few of us to the stadium about 15 minutes walk away from the campus to compete in badminton. I crashed out after my first match. I was matched against last years champion. My opponent was older than me but she was super nice. To be honest, I really wanted to win at least one match in badminton and my opponent literally gave me chances; she lobbed the shuttlecock all the time, I should have smashed but I’m so short I had to always wait for the shuttle to drop down to my level and by the time it dropped down, my opponent was well and ready to save my flimsy smash. When it was over, we laughed, shook hands. {the defeat isn’t bitter when the opponent is worth your time}

 Chatted around before rushing back to campus to compete in a second round of bible bowl because our two school teams were tied. After that, it was about dinner time and I was pretty wiped out. the hazy air in KL made my eyes sting and gave me a throbbing headache. Moments before Jan, our supervisor, and I stepped out of our room, the room’s phone rang. I picked it up and Kat’s voice on the other end spilled out,”Joanna, where are you? You and Jan need to practice at the rally hall because you guys got the piano duet command performance!” I screamed into the phone in surprise, shock probably hurt Kat’s ears Command performances were only reserved for the first place winners and it meant getting to go on stage and perform the winning event. Jan and I didn’t even eat dinner, there was no time for dinner and the adrenaline was running so high we didn’t feel hungry till late after night rally. We made our way quickly to the rally hall and had a run through of the programme with the Reverend before practicing for abit. At the second rally night at awards presentation, I went up to collect my HLCS Piano Duet medal. It felt really good to have a first place medal dangling from my neck.

 Had an illegal late night supper after lights out because my stomach was eating me for not having anything during dinner time. Our supervisor and sponsor was rather fed up with coming out of their room every 10 minutes to tell us to lower our volume from speaking in case the dean of residences on the prowl would catch the 4 of us out of bed 😂 soon enough, there was a knock on the door. Jan coolly remained where she was while the panicky 3 of us jumped into the toilet and shut the door behind us wiTHOuT tUrNInG ON THe LiGHts. Imagine the darkness we were in. And we were nervously giggling and trying to orientate ourselves in the utter darkness. One of the girls stepped on my toe in the pitch black and boy tHat REaLLY HurT. I yelped and the other 2 started to laugh. We heard voices and breathed a sigh of relief when we recognized it to be another supervisor. We emerged from the toilet giggling, and with me rubbing my toe.

We hurriedly finished cooking our insant noodles and re-heating some leftover food from the morning breakfast, ate, relieved ourselves and headed to our mattresses, stomach filled and hearts grateful that the busiest day was over.

Countdown to the Regional Student Convention: 1 day to departure (GAAAHHH!)

I’m already almost done with packing hehe really looking forward to this whole convention. Timing to board the coach tomorrow has been pushed earlier to 1.15pm instead of 1.45pm. Just cannot imagine how rushed it will all be, driving from church to eat lunch and be at the station all in about 30 minutes. 

I think I’m all about ready for this 5-day trip and let’s not forget God in all this, thank God for bringing me through this months of preparation, giving me strength and wisdom and life. May the entire school contingent be always aware of His present help and be confident to do all for His glory rather than to feed our selfish pride. Praying for safety during our 6/7 hour ride and our contingent to be healthy throughout. 

   Last rehearsal at school

random pic of me in uniform haha 

 the sad state of my room earlier today

No commitments but I’ll try to write a post during the week about how the convention is going 😝 


  Somewhere in the night there was an explsion; the dishes in the cupboard rattled. For an hour we sipped our tea and talked, until the sound of planes died away and the sky was silent. I said goodnight to Betsie at the door to Tante Jan’s rooms and groped my way up the dark […]