was blind but now i see

Some things ‘happened’ and having time to reflect and re-focus my view on my Christian life changed me, a rebel, to lay down my arms, to follow Christ, to desire to be changed into Christ-likeness. 

I have changed.

I want to live in a way that just by my behaviour and manner of life, people will take note that I have been with Jesus. I want to live to bring glory to my Saviour in everything I do.
I want to daily pursue the One who loved me and gave Himself for me.

My new journey has just begun but already I feel lonely.

like I am alone in all that I think and feel now.

The ones I called my closest friends and the ones that I felt I loved best ridicule me. To a certain extent, they think I’m crazy. They pity me for choosing this boring path of life. Maybe they even dislike me now.

I don’t want to be in the company of friends that have no fear of God. I no longer wish to spend time with people that claim to know God but whose actions deny Him. // Titus 1:16

It’s not that I dislike my friends. In fact, I now wish to spend time with them but to talk to them about the things of God.

And if I don’t want to hang with them, it’s just that there are no common interests/ factors anymore.
I am not cool like them anymore. I no longer listen to the rock music i used to, I made a decision to stop swearing. I purposed to dress in a modest way, to love God and I want my life to only show surrender to Him. But all my old friends are continuing in the old way of living, an ungodly walk. // Amos 3:3 //

Before I told some of my friends of the change in me, I told God that my friendships are all His, He could do whatever He wanted to do with my friendships. But I see now that it is not a one-time decision but rather a day by day constant prayerful yielding and surrendering. I constantly find myself struggling, having fallen in the erroneous prideful thinking that I may reach a form of perfection, or quench the sinfulness in me. But at the same time knowing my error, I have discovered the peace and joy, realizing the genuineness that I am weak but thank God, He is strong.

It is my weakness that will allow God to use His power to change and work in me. A strong person needs no help. A weak person does. And I am so weak. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV

 // how strangely wonderful it is to acknowledge my weakness; the very quality in which I despise myself so often for is the same channel in which God chose for His strength to do a perfecting work in my life, if I will let Him //

I have decided to follow Jesus and though none go with me still I will follow.

I am confident that to leave my life in the Hands that bled to save it,

are the safest Hands to keep it.

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