I don’t know how I came about to becoming so anxious when people’s attitude towards me change. I get afraid when people start to be cold towards me I’m like what did I do, can you please tell me. I’m always worried someone might be talking behind my back because i live in an environment where there is space to grow, but at the same time there are hidden thorns everywhere that might pierce you one day and kill you. I wish to right any misunderstanding that might have occurred and restore whatever friendship there was in the first place. But then, now, I have an intense desire not to care at all. I don’t want to be bothered by their looks, their stupid avoiding eyes, what they think about me. Everything about them becomes hateful, even though they might be at one point of time a closest confidant, a most trusted friend. I want to go on with life and show them that I don’t need this kind of friends in my life. I don’t like this guessing games. I’m tired of trying to please everyone, to make everyone smile, to make everyone happy. I hate myself for letting people’s actions control so much of my emotions, my feelings. I want to be okay with people who were my closest friends treating me like we had never been as close as we were. I have learned that even the closest friends have the potential to be the worst traitors. Change might really be the only constant. I’m really tired of watching the people I trust suck up to other people they feel they prefer better than me and chuck me aside. Maybe it’s because I don’t have anything materially to offer them, like the other people. But be that way. I just want to learn to be okay with being my own best friend, to be there for myself, to build up my own source of strength and not derive any help from any so called best friends. My younger brother told me once, Never trust anyone too much. Not even your closest friend. They might one day betray you. and I’m beginning to think that he is right.