tricky trust

I don’t know how I came about to becoming so anxious when people’s attitude towards me change. I get afraid when people start to be cold towards me I’m like what did I do, can you please tell me. I’m always worried someone might be talking behind my back because i live in an environment where there is space to grow, but at the same time there are hidden thorns everywhere that might pierce you one day and kill you. I wish to right any misunderstanding that might have occurred and restore whatever friendship there was in the first place. But then, now, I have an intense desire not to care at all. I don’t want to be bothered by their looks, their stupid avoiding eyes, what they think about me. Everything about them becomes hateful, even though they might be at one point of time a closest confidant, a most trusted friend. I want to go on with life and show them that I don’t need this kind of friends in my life. I don’t like this guessing games. I’m tired of trying to please everyone, to make everyone smile, to make everyone happy. I hate myself for letting people’s actions control so much of my emotions, my feelings. I want to be okay with people who were my closest friends treating me like we had never been as close as we were. I have learned that even the closest friends have the potential to be the worst traitors. Change might really be the only constant. I’m really tired of watching the people I trust suck up to other people they feel they prefer better than me and chuck me aside. Maybe it’s because I don’t have anything materially to offer them, like the other people. But be that way. I just want to learn to be okay with being my own best friend, to be there for myself, to build up my own source of strength and not derive any help from any so called best friends. My younger brother told me once, Never trust anyone too much. Not even your closest friend. They might one day betray you. and I’m beginning to think that he is right.


6 thoughts on “tricky trust

  1. JOanna, you write very well, and are very open about your feelings. That’s not a bad thing and takes a lot of courage to express your innermost thoughts. You also have a very pretty, friendly face which I’m sure will draw many people to you. However, it is rather like you said about people….most of the people out here in the world, can be very fickle. Didn’t the Lord Jesus find this to be so? He warned us that we would also go through persecutions and rejections just as He did. But He told us to be brave and of good cheer. Why should be have “good cheer” over such things? Well, because as He said, He has overcome the world, and as His kids, we too have a hope and a promise that through Jesus, we too would overcome the world. We’re on the winning team.

    Nevertheless, we must learn to be willing to be misunderstood at times, even by those we love the most. Human relationships are complicated even in the best of circumstances. So, try to learn to discipline yourself to not take things personal, and move on with your life in Christ, As you take the risk of loving others even though at some point in time they may hurt you, the Lord will reward you by bringing true friends into your life, for we do reap what we sow.

    It’s the Royal Law of Love to love others. We only handicap and cripple ourselves spiritually and emotionally when we shut our hearts to others.

    You are very young, but I believe you are off to a wonderful start in life. Keep learning of the Lord in His Word, and fellowshipping Him in prayer, praise and worship, and you will be amazed what He will accomplish in your life.

    Love in Christ,


  2. Joanna, many of us earth-dwellers feel the same at different times in our lives – at some seasons more than others. Scarlett had some wise advice which we can all apply to our lives. Satan, the Enemy of our souls, enjoys taunting us about our past sins, our inadequacies, our disappointments, our rejections, and those who are like him also do the same. Satan loves to accuse us, while Jesus forgives us. Satan loves to find dirt, while Jesus loves to clean it from our lives. Satan and his crowd love to torment us, while Jesus loves to comfort us. Satan likes to see us fear, fear, fear, and loves to punish us with past faults. Jesus likes to love, love, love on us, and help us forget the past and move toward a better way in the future. Those who talk about you, condemn you, and who refuse to befriend and love you are those who do not have the capacity to do anything more … because they are Satan’s children or under his control. Only those in Jesus can love you and there are very few of them who are walking in the narrow way (as Jesus said), so be thankful when a Scarlett shows up or another friend like this, because they are rare … they have the capacity to love you and that’s only because they have given themselves to the Messiah who gave His life for us all. May the grace, peace, and love of our Savior Jesus the Messiah be with you today! Prayers too!

    • thank you for the reminder, dear friend ☺
      by God’s grace, I have learned through the months that has passed that my highest concern should be that of my position in Christ, and earthly relations though important, all should come under my relationship with Christ. And should my first relationship with Christ be in order, everything else will fall in its place. And the things that do not, are not His will for me and my life.
      God bless you!

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