i don’t know where to start. my mind is almost tangled up like an i dont know what even.
funny how i seem to always go back to writing only when i feel confused, lost.
turned 19 on 1st Jan. another year to live, another year to learn, another year of struggling, perhaps harder than ever before. im beginning to guess that some things in life won’t really get much better.
waiting in silence, His silence, sounds like an easy task. but not for me.
courage, to do something despite your fears.
it’s sad how people laugh and look the most happy when they’re most afraid.
almost as if they’re trying to hide, to put on their best smiles so no one will think of lifting their cover and find out what a quivering mess lies underneath.
i find silence amusing. should the solitude guarantee me sanity or bring me to insanity? find myself often elapsing into periodic silence, wandering into frightening daytime nightmares; it makes me dizzy sometimes & i wonder if you can see me self-destruct.
still my soul, if i should fear.
you’ll never win if you quit now, i tell myself.
drawing with silver is not for you, and you’re afraid of heights. im not sure if being honest like this helps, most people avoid and shun talking about this, i guess they dont know what to say, i dont really know what i’m looking to hear either.
we’re all in the sea, but i’m the only one who doesn’t know how to swim.
but i’ll keep trying, till i can’t do it anymore.
you’re at least working hard in living, if not anything else
on train and bus rides to my temp job, i often fall into fits of musings. the world has become a scary place, all the hundreds of bodies milling around, moving, churning, living. and no one knows how fearful i am of them, trembling as i step into their world.
but i am thankful for this fear, again and again, it drives me back to the arms of Christ. He is very near, very real, and i need Him every hour.
He gave me life and so i shall live strong, not in my courage, but in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. i cannot turn from Him.
Faith is unutterable trust in God. A trust which never dreams that He will not stand by me.
Faith never knows where it is being led. But it loves and knows the One who is leading.
instead of wishing you all a happy new year, i wish you all a meaningful one. life won’t be always happy. but it can be meaningful, no matter how slowly the days and months crawl by only to tear your heart apart, it is meaningful with Christ in your vessel.